Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
