hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
