this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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