You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
