my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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