god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
