just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
