I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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