Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
