It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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