Even the bartender felt bad for me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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