I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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