I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
