NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
