New low: just hacked my moms facebook
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
