If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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