I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
