so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
