Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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