...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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