He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
