I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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