Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
