ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
