he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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