I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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