I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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