I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
