after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
