You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We have so much sex to catch up on
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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