he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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