u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
