Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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