i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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