OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
