having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
