it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
