Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
