In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
