I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
