I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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