Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
