I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
