Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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