The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
