a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
