We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
