Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
