When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
love makes seman taste better
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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