you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
